November 4th
It's my birthday, but that's not what has my heart racing.
Today is the day that I leave for my greatest spiritual adventure of my life time. At least, that's what I expect it to be.
Many have asked if I'm excited, and I have answered with an overwhelming... "YES!" That's what I should say, right? So I say it.
But, I don't even know what I am excited for. The words to articulate these emotions escape me.
Is it the unknown? The time by myself? The guilt-free time with the Lord, uninterrupted?
Is it because I have asked the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His and He is doing it?
Is it because I will literally be walking in the footsteps of Jesus?
I know it is all of these things and more.
I will meet peacemakers. Women who embody the characteristics of Jesus himself. They may not even know how much like Jesus they truly are.
I will shed tears... many. Knowing myself, the downpour will happen when I least expect it. What will cause it? Where will I be?
True to my personality, I scheduled a cry session before I left. Will that lessen the escalating emotions, the swings from high to low I'm about to experience?
What will happen when my pent up sobbing meets a physical broken heart?
How will I pick myself up and keep moving?
These are the things I worry about.
I do not worry about my life, my safety. I know the One who holds me.
I have nothing to fear. I know His plan for me extends far beyond this journey.
Perhaps the answer to what I am most excited about is actually not a question at all. What if it's a request.
"Please don't let me return the same."
I know there is no turning away from what I have learned. What I have read.
I know there is no turning away from what I am about to see.
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